Fallen Eve controls her relationships. She refuses to be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure her relationships, then she kills her heart's longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control. She becomes a woman "who doesn't need anyone - especially a man." How this play out over the course of her life, and how the wounds of her childhood shape her heart's conviction are often a complex story, one worth knowing. But beneath it all, behind it all, is a simple truth: women dominate and control because they fear their vulnerability. Far from God and far from Eden, it seems a perfectly reasonable way to live. But consider also this: "Whatever is not from faith is sin" (Rom. 14:23). That self-protective way of relating to others has nothing to do with real loving, and nothing to do with deeply trusting God. It is our gut-level response to a dangerous world. - "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge
This sounds a lot like me. I must say I am in some way controlling because I want to do everything on my own, make everything perfect, make sure everything meets "my" standard (whatever that means). It is all because I am afraid to be vulnerable; I am afraid of being hurt. But God didn't create me to have such a strong independent character. He wants me to be dependent on Him. He's created men to be the priest of the home. I need to understand that I don't need to take up that role. It is ok for me to feel vulnerable, to be soft, to be feminine...and just be me, as a woman. There is something about God's character that is on the feminine side - gentle, loving, caring, nurturing...just to name a few is part of His character. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be pursued after and be desired. God has intricately placed that in every woman, and that includes me.